Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Warning:Alienate yourself while you read in order to avoid after effects!

This book that i finished reading yesterday makes me wanna never think of marriage. The book was 'How to Kill your Husband?', a chic-lit about three middle aged women, their marital problems, their husbands and their mid life crisis (wtf is that?) and a lot of Sex!!! I was reading it for fun and to take a brake from Lawrence (Sons and Lovers) and Gordimer (My Son's Story) and it was in a way worth the 250 bucks i spent on it. But it totally freaked me out about this whole marriage thing. I mean men can never be ready for commitment. They can never be precise about the way they feel and just cannot accept their mistakes. They just want to always believe that things will get better on their own and all they need to do is to live on impulse. I know i am generalising but hello that IS the truth in maximum cases. And yes how they are such horrid escapists! They just want to live with their heads buried in the sand! And they want to believe that the world runs the way they want it to. And they are such boastful idiots. All they care about is themselves, their lives, their jobs, their issues, their problems (no matter how trivial they are), their family, their own little pathetic universe. The book had a very western context but i can see it happening in India very soon.

To top it all reading Ibsen plays ('Ghosts' and 'A Doll's House') has freaked me out even more. The absurdity of marriage, the futility of a man-woman relationship. I don't completely blame men but if a woman is ready for so many compromises and is willing to adjust why cant men just deal with their ego and learn to be a little more considerate. There is a way of dealing with everything but the problem with the male sex is that they don't want to 'deal' with anything. It takes a miracle to change what a man thinks, a second sun to change his beliefs (irrespective of how silly they are!)

Although Ajeeb Insaan has changed a lot but his basic instincts are the same. I have learnt to deal with them over the period of time. I cant change him and i don't want to live in the world of false hopes, so i have altered my behaviour towards him. And THAT led him to be more considerate only because i think somewhere he realised that something was weird about the change in my behaviour. I am not complaining or anything because i love spending time with him. But i saw so much of 'US' in the female protagonist of that stupid book that i am freaked out. The 'husband' was exactly like Ajeeb insaan, only much more exaggerated. But then a chic-lit is supposed to be exaggerated.

Uff...all this is too much for me to handle, so i am going to behave like a man and ignore all these weird thoughts relating to marriage and just 'bury my head in the sand'. I can afford to do that because its way too early for me to put myself in a similar scenario. But HELL i still acknowledge the fact that i AM freaked out. I don't want to believe that marriage is hard to handle. I know that i will someday face the question of spending my remaining life 'with a boy' and i just don't want that day to come, EVER! I am embarrassed that i have dreamt of a happy, settled, perfect bollywood married life a lot of times, and that I have told myself that 'all girls dream of all this'.

And i do wish to add a disclaimer in the end that this has got nothing to do with the way i feel about Ajeeb Insaan! This is nothing but a let out, an after effect!

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