I want to...

Listening to a weird laughter show on TV that my parents find very funny, I am contemplating so many things tonight. Random thoughts just keep cropping up. I just created an imaginary boyfriend for myself in my head who is all that i want. No, I am not saying that i am unhappy with what i have but yes i miss the romance. Stuff is clear with Telepathic bitch, and i am so glad it is. I cannot stop worrying about dance because its not going anywhere. Too many things happening in college, as in a lot of departmental fests and all and therefore practice is at an all time low. And this is like just 20 days before we leave for BITS, Pilani. Studies for a change are fine. Not great but fine.

Its just very hard to put down stuff in words. Probably because i am not great with words anyway. But yeah I am not feeling any strong emotion. Only a lot of small feelings that are confusing me in a way. I want a let out. I want to talk to someone. I want someone to talk to me. And someone who will remind me of the good life that i have, who will appreciate me and will tell me how pretty i am. I want it to rain, and i want to get wet in the rain. I want the breeze to blow my hair off my face. I want to stand in an open hall with that someone special watching me as i slowly start dancing. I want to sit on a Giantwheel and i want to see the lights below me. I want to eat cotton candy. I want to run as fast as i can. I want to get into a crowded bus. I want someone to tell me that i am different from the rest of the world. I want to feel mushy on the phone, I want to wear a sari, I want to scream my name out loud from my terrace... I just want to...

If you think its not all that difficult to do and i should go ahead and pick one of the things like running, screaming or wearing a sari to at least make me feel better... you certainly have not understood my problem. Even if I can do any of this, why don't i see myself doing it??? Why?