Is it you? It cant be me!

One hand on the steering wheel and other on the gear, as I drove back to home today, my mind raced from one vivid image to another. My brain was on 'auto pilot' as I concentrated unconsciously on the various things happening in and around my life.

The music was loud enough to block out the noise of the world outside. It was subtle enough to not invade my string of thoughts which were filling the hollow of my heart. And each time i would lose the thread, the lyrics filled my ears as if they were a part of me.

Ay hairath-e-ashiqui

Jagaaaaa mat!

Pairon se zameen, zameeeeen,

laga mat!

This is such a beautiful song. The man in love is asking the wonderful feeling to not wake him up from the dream of his rosy world. He wants to forget what lies ahead and just continue feeling what this trance of being in love is doing to him. He knows he is flying but still he wants to remain away from the ground. The ground which is the harsh reality. And hence his plea to stay airborne in this dreamlike state.

These songs affect me more when i hear them while driving alone. And they fill the gaps. Of my life and of my thoughts. I hate to admit but like everyone else, i also seek reality in art. And I always end up comparing the two. What makes it even more wonderful is the fact that because of art, one learns to appreciate the real.

The music adds to the view outside which passes me, just like a slide show of beautiful pictures, animated ones. I recollect these lines (which are the only lines i can remember) from some poem i read in fourth grade-'each a glimpse and gone forever'. That's how these scenes are. Dynamic. Ever changing.

I want to be like those school girls who are going back home, eating ice-cream, wearing their blue tunics and with that heavy bag on their back. I miss that heavy bag. It was better to carry the weight of books than carrying the weight of being an adult, the weight of lost innocence, the weight of my own thoughts. I remember craving for freedom when i was young but now I realize that I was probably never more free than i was then. I had the freedom from these mature, analytical thoughts.

Do chaar meheeno se lamho mein

umron ke hisaab bhi hote hain...

From the past few months, each second i live feels like an account of the life that i have lived and the life which will follow. The man singing the lines above talks about the beauty of growing up. He loves giving an account of his life to time which ticks without waiting for anyone. These lines remind me of a regret-less past which is the reason for me being where I am today. I don't wish to change anything about it, just like the poet.

PS-

-Happy Birthday Telepathic Bitch. We might not be as close as we once were but you will always be someone special in my life.

-Popo, you are adorable even when you are getting those mood swings. 20 messages in one day? You have defeated all my boyfriends with that. I love you.

-Capricorn boy... I am glad we met today. I wish I knew what you are thinking. And don't say you are emotion-less. You and I both know that its not true.