Dont bother...You wont understand!!

Today I have learnt the greatest lesson of life.....
Only Trust Yourself!

Everything that I thought was mine has always been taken away from me, but i have never cringed. Everything that I presumed was true has aways turned out to be false. What stayed with me was my own self. Friends came and went, Love came and went, Respect came and went... but I never left Me!

Randomly surfing through facebook i come across these set of pictures which well...I had no clue existed. I in fact did not even know the day on which they were taken ever happened. What hurts me is my Ignorance. People concerned (and yeah they are in those pictures) were those who I thought liked me and respected me and cared for me. But only now do i realise that they were with me because they had no option. They prefer others (who always doubted my abilities) over me. I thought that it was in their heart, that love, which they did not want to demonstrate but now I know it just was not there. The fact that they did not tell me about this so called 'outing' only proves that I have merely been a part of their lives which they could not avoid. A mere convenience. Not being invited is something that i have never bothered about, its their personal life and they can do what they feel like. What hurts me is the fact that they refused to be present when I invited. And then not tell me about their ventures at all. Am I that far from reality? Was all this a mere delusion?

I thought that I had won this battle and had proved my metal but well guess what, They still won, those who didnt think I was worth it. They took away from me what i treasured the most, my relationship with the ones I cared about. It cant be same after all this. I know I wont keep this grudge. but i will always feel hollow from inside. My mom says that I haven't lost as yet and they are trying to break me and I shouldnt let them. But she doesn't know that they dont need to do much of an effort. They don't care about my existence and I am the one who keeps obsessing. I curse the day when I thought people looked upto me. The fear at the back of my mind has taken shape. It dances in front of my eyes and I cannot escape it.

Second time in these two and a half years I realise that trying to make friends in a professional environment is always a mistake. Not because it hampers your working, but because these friends always manage to hurt you. Thank you for opening my eyes you people concerned. I had forgotten this lesson after the first time I learnt it. I cannot imagine what I did wrong. But I know that it hurts!

I think I am just going to... well not care. That has always helped. The initial shock is over and I think I am through with all this. I know I am over reacting but well i cannot deny the pain.