Tuesday, November 17, 2009

When you asked me 'why?'

You asked me 'why?'
And when I asked you 'why?', you said 'har why, kyu aur kaiku ka jawab nahi hota.' You know I seriously don't remember what movie this dialogue is from.
But to get back to your question... Why?
Why do I want to talk to you?
Why do I want to spend time with you?
You seriously want me to answer these questions? You and I both know that you don't want to hear the answer. We both know that you are not ready. Or maybe not willing.
Seriously... Are you not willing? Does it bother you that much that you can't face the truth?
But tell me, do you even know WHAT you feel deep within yourself?

Sometimes I think that I am looking into this way too much. That all these feelings that I presume don't even exist for you. But then I think of all those times when I looked into those expressive eyes of yours. You might be a great actor but what I saw in them was not something I imagined.Not being able to read your eyes doesn't mean that I am blind to what I see in them.

Is it so hard to actually say what you feel? Is it that hard to look into yourself and bring out those inner feelings which I know exist even if they are negligible.

Actually don't tell me what you feel. If you don't feel what I think you do, it will hurt really bad. Let me live in my happy world of belief and let me feel free to stare at those magnetic eyes whenever I can. I don't want to know what you don't want to tell me. It only makes sense when you will find it hard enough to keep it within yourself. When you will put your feelings into words, it should be your own will, your desire to see my reaction.

I can never forget that night when you told me the unthinkable in front of my house. I remember each and every thing that you ever said to me, each time you looked at me thinking that I am unaware, every little thing that you did for me and the way you were always there for me. I know you try real hard to not let me know but trust me I notice. I don't tell you because I am scared of you making better efforts to hide these small things.

You always bring a smile to my face. And whenever there is that tear in my eye, its because maybe deep down I have learnt that someone out there cares enough to wipe it for me.

And even after this long analysis, I don't have an answer to your question. That's because you already know my answer...

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