My New blog got virus and stupid mails started flooding my inbox. Even though there was not much that I lost but still.
Anyway so I feel defeated. Yes yes that's the reason for me to be here. I USE writing as a let out. deal with it!!
So going back to being defeated. Well once upon a time we used worry about broken hearts and romances. But now, we need money to survive. We are out in the world, alone. And we don't want to be supported by others. If I want those ZARA heels, I want them from my own accomplishments. I want them FOR my own accomplishments.
But unfortunately I am Jobless these days. And it is my fault. Well actually the fault of being indecisive but mine nonetheless.
All those years I wanted to be a dancer. Dance was life. And then I was convinced otherwise. I was told that dancing won't fill my bank account.
So I went ahead and finished my P.G. And met the most amazing person in my life. I was convinced that being around him was all that I wanted. He wanted to be an entrepreneur and he convinced me that I will be happy being one too. And I was Happy being one. It gave me a sense of being. It defined my strengths. It was meant to be. I was happy to be building something to call my own.
And then some more lessons and wrong turns later I am back to square one. I am unemployed. All those years people convinced me that I was meant to be Big in my life. And now I don't have a penny to call my own. I am looking for a job which once I convinced myself was not meant to be for me. Working with the wrong kind of people made me doubt my capabilities to no end. And now I just feel like a big fat nobody. I want a job but I don't know what I want to be. Nothing drives my passion anymore. For the first time in my life, I have bigger problems than a sordid love affair. I feel small. I feel neglected. I feel 'not good enough'. And the more I admit the more I want to cry...
Congratulations blogosphere! You get to be the first one to hear me accept my true feelings. To witness the first time I am talking about how I really feel. This is probably the last time you will see me feel so weak but that's my story for now! I never have and I never will build a facade around my life and that's what I was trying to do for some time now. No wonder I am unhappy.
Guess what? It wasn't just the virus infected blog. It was my virus infected life!
4 comments:
look sulking will give you something to do, get u some shoulders to cry on/ hugs etc (attention basically) for a while, but won't get u anywhere (aka a rocking chair). people will carry on with their lives as they must, and then u will sulk some more, accept defeat, get married, and think about what could have been etc.
sad picture, yes?
now u gots two choices:
Plan A.
the follow your heart plan. the one that will keep u fat broke(hah!) for the time being, include a few tough yearS in the beginning (tougher coz u'll see kids ur age already working jobs/getting married/both), but eventual longer lasting contentment. including stories to help u vie for the attention of ur grand kids when ur 70 and they have their bodies to explore. unless you have a freak accident and die at 35.
anywayyy, become a dance instructor. start with choreographing marriage functions. face it. no really, go stand in front of the mirror (avoid the funny ones at fab india that make people look slim and tall) and face it. its your "passion". its who u love doing. What you love doing. and what ur exceptionally good at. "dil khush jahan, teri toh manzil hain wahin" etc. etc.
beyond the joy and lots of mehnat, there are some wads of cash money to be made. (case in point - band baja baraat). hound, pester and beg ur friends/family/acquaintances for contacts into pre-marriage households, start something and take it from there.
Plan B.
take up a job. you know the drill. you'll be happy 8 days a month. (weekends,smarty.) plus new bunch of people to add on your facebook, hang out with and call for your own wedding, and money to blow in saket/insert suitable market name! for all you know, the work might be fun as well! eg: event management, fashion choreography, anything at discovery travel & living! i would've written more but im lazy like that.
anyhow, whatever u do, don't s(h)it on it. ACT.
- mr india, urf YY
p.s. fun virus reference at the end! its like taking your own case before anyone else does :P
Wow!!
Thanks...
Easy said than done...but trust me it did help clear my mind. A lot!
Thanks again.
u know that you're awesome na? You will get a well paying+fun job super sooooon:)
Fingers crossed!
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